Today marks one week until Bee starts nursery.
Feeling: apprehensive, nervous, excited...
In so many ways next week can't come quick enough but I could wait forever. I've never left Bee with anyone who wasn't close family and so the thought of leaving her in the care of complete strangers is terrifying. Even if it is only for 3 hours twice a week. I know her quirks and foibles, her likes and dislikes, her tolerances and what she means when she's only making sounds. What if the staff don't understand her? What if she's unhappy? What if she doesn't make friends? What if she's left out or left behind?
In so many ways next week can't come quick enough but I could wait forever. I've never left Bee with anyone who wasn't close family and so the thought of leaving her in the care of complete strangers is terrifying. Even if it is only for 3 hours twice a week. I know her quirks and foibles, her likes and dislikes, her tolerances and what she means when she's only making sounds. What if the staff don't understand her? What if she's unhappy? What if she doesn't make friends? What if she's left out or left behind?
Despite my worries, every day it becomes more apparant that Bee is ready for nursery. In part I can't help but feel she's being held back by being at home with me all the time. There's only so much I can teach her before she needs the interaction, encouragement and friendship of her peers. Even in group speech therapy she dives right in and doesn't look back, watching the other children intently and pushing herself forward to be included.
I'm so proud of her, of her confidence and willingness to join in but my heart aches at watching her leave the baby years behind and I just want to cling on and not let her grow up. Then I remind myself that if I did that I'd be missing out on all the wonderful things to come. Her first school play, learning to ride a bike, doing homework together, first boyfriends (despite what her Daddy says!) and those special Mother/Daughter moments that I cherish so much about my relationship with my own Mum.
I don't want to be a Mum that holds her child back because I'm scared of losing the special little person she is now. Instead I'm going to watch her run from me into the next stage of her life and I'm going to smile and wave and encourage her to go. I might cry but my tears will be short-lived. I'm going to love every second of watching her grow.
2 comments:
i have just cried reading that xxxxx
This is beautiful, Cath. It perfectly describes how i felt nearly two years ago when Bella started nursury school. I also had never left her with anyone besides her grandmothers, and I was so scared to leave her at school. I even stayed and watched her behind the one way mirror for the entire two first days. And guess what? She didnt need me. She has completely thrived since starting, which is humbling because it means that I cant do everything for her that she needs to make her reach her potential... despite how much I want to and how hard I try. Sometimes it really does take a village to raise a child. I am sure Bee will do fabulously, because she has such a wonderful mother who is guiding her through every step of her way... even when she is at nursury without you. Big hugs, I will be thinking of you next week!
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