The Last Seeds

This morning Bee and I went out to water her planter. We've had lots of rain over the past two days but it's important to keep building Bee's confidence with the outdoors and the new textures she's been exposed to. I wrapped her in her raincoat, filled her little pink watering can and we headed outside. Bee loves water so it was very easy for her to get enthusiastic about it.

 

She quickly emptied the first lot, mostly over one plant, and asked for more. I was happy to let her carry on as long as she wanted to. It was raining a little and Bee is usually a little worried about rain so while she was concentrating on watering her little garden she wasn't thinking about the raindrops falling on her head.

 After numerous refills I had to end the fun, I was worried the poor plants were going to drown! I'm not convinced any of them are going to grow but I've got my fingers crossed, I would really enjoy helping Bee pick her first vegtables.

This afternoon we finally got round to planting the last of the seeds for indoor sowing. We had some tomato and sunflower seeds ready to go in pots with some pre-packaged compost. This came in dried pellets which needed soaking in water before we could use it. Bee had lots of fun dropping them in the jug of water I'd prepared and made a fine mess!

 

I gave her a pot at a time to fill with compost, she focuses much better doing just one at a time. I began filling the first one by using my hands to put small amounts of compost in, showing Bee how to do it. She started to tenatively used her thumb and forefinger to pick at small bits of compost and drop it into the pot. I've noticed that Bee is becoming more comfortable touching new textures as long as it's with her fingers, she's much more sensitive about the palm of her hand.

 

After filling a couple of pots using our hands I could feel Bee starting to overload a little on the texture front. She was becoming more reluctant to touch the compost and less willing to join in. I helped her wash her hands and we moved on to using a teaspoon instead, her little trowel was too big for this exercise! After picking up the spoon Bee was much happier to continue and we filled the rest of the pots with compost before moving on to the seeds. For this I placed the seeds for each pot in Bee's hand and let her tip them in, an activity she very much enjoyed. After each pot she'd ask "mo mama".

When it was all finished I placed the pots on a tray and filled Bee's watering can for her to water them. Overall we managed to get compost and water everywhere but had lots and lots of fun! I'm hoping our seeds sprout so we can have another outdoor planting session in the garden!

Delamere Delight

We took Bee to Delamere Forest this week, our region's largest area of woodland. We wanted to take advantage of a lovely sunny afternoon and continue Bee's sensory adventure in the outdoors.

Bee still enjoys the very simple play of filling and emptying containers so I brought along her bucket, hoping this would push her to touch and pick up items that she wouldn't without a solid motive to do so. We'd been preparing her all morning, talking about going to the forest in the car, how we could collect lots of things to put in her bucket, count the trees etc etc. Our experience with Bee is that sheadapts much better to things if she's had a lot of preperation.

When we arrived we stuck to the 'all-abilities' path, designed for people with mobility issues or using prams. It's flat and smoother than the natural forest floor, packed down with gravel and stones. Yet even this easier path was too much for Bee at first, when I asked if she wanted to get out of the pram and walk she replied "no, pram".

So I changed tactics. Instead of asking if she wanted to walk, when she was clearly very concerned about the surface of the path, I focused on the bucket. "Bethany look at all the lovely things for your bucket! Would you like to get out and collect things for your bucket?" This time the answer was yes. Win! 

 

I placed her on the floor and walked a little ahead, encouraging her to follow me, pointing things out as I went for her to come and look at. But nothing. She stood rooted to the spot I'd placed her, not brave enough to move her feet. The slightly uneven and loose surface was really bothering her. I kept trying with the encouragement until she started saying "mama, hand" and reaching out to me. At which point I relented.

A flower Mama!

We walked holding hands and as we went I tried to encourage Bee to notice the things on the floor as we passed; pinecones, flowers, sticks... Bee has a habit of not looking down as she walks and will quite happily walk straight off a curb and fall flat on her face.

Our first gather was a pinecone. I crouched down next to Bee and picked it up, holding it out for her to see and touch if she wanted. To my surprise she took it from me and put it straight in her bucket. Clever girl!

 

 So we moved on, still holding hands. We gathered flowers, stones, bits of grass, sticks and more pinecones.

Bee began to let go of my hand a little bit when she saw something she wanted to toddle off to. She always came quickly back reaching for me but these little independent jaunts got longer and more frequent. As the afternoon wore on we could see Bee growing visibly more confident with walking on the uneven surface and willing to take more risks, like attempting a small slope by herself and crouching down to pick something up.

 

We found a lovely bench where we stopped for a sandwich, it was hot and we were all ready for a sit down. Bee had some of an egg mayonnaise sandwish and even now I'm still amazed by how well she's doing with eating solid food. We always expected to deal with tantrums and fussiness when it came to eating. All the literature we'd read on tube-fed children said we should be prepared for a child that didn't want to eat. But Bee couldn't be more opposite. She may only eat tiny amounts at the moment but my girl will put away almost anything you put in front of her! With the exception of banana and 'sloppy' food (yoghurt etc) as she doesn't like the texture, she'll eat almost anything. Certainly anything we eat.

 

After "num nums" we moved on, still collecting, until we found the dedicated den-building section! This is a great part of Delamere that filling with piles and piles of logs, poles, sticks... anything you can use to make natural dens. There were a still a handful built up, left behind by others and Bee very much enjoyed sitting in one and filling her bucket with the contents of the forest floor. Of course the den was a little like a playhouse, and Bee loves her playhouse! 

The overall aim of our afternoon had been to enjoy the sunshine and try to increase Bee's exposure to outdoor textures, which we managed with great success. She was much more compliant that I'd expected (again me underestimating her!) and she'd experienced all kinds of textures. The only thing that really bothered her was the dandelions. I tried blowing a couple for her and trying to encourage her to do the same but she just wasn't keen.

I've been visiting Delamere with my own parents since I was a child and it felt like a lovely continuation to take Bee. She's a bit little yet to tackle the forest paths, the slope down to the lake or den-building but after the success of our first visit I'm looking forward to those days already!

Planting the Planter

Over the last few days I've managed to get Bee's planter finished by layering it with a waterproof material to stop the wood from rotting, I got to use an electric staple gun and it was lots of fun! I was really pleased with the final results. I've been collecting small flowers and sprouting veg, along with a couple of seed packets and this morning we've spent some time in the garden planting them all!

As I've mentioned in previous posts, Bee is very reluctant with texture or anything outside of her comfort zone. The idea of the planter was to challenge some of Bee's phobias and we'd been building up to it over a few days. We talked about doing some digging in the garden and planting flowers, spent some time getting used to the planter and (Bee's favourite) shopping for plants and a little garden tool set! I hoped that spending some time preparing Bee would make that final step of actually getting out there and digging in real soil much easier.

So this morning, armed with the tools and all our plants & seeds we headed into the garden to fill up the planter!
 

Bee was a little apprehensive at first, we've never done gardening and soil is a new texture. It helped that she was very excited about her new tools and was able to join in with the digging initially without actually having to touch the soil, it was a nice compromise.

We started with the plants rather than the seeds, something large and easy to manipulate for Bee. We had some kind of flowery plant, a grass (good for sensory touching), a strawberry plant plus some tomato and pepper plants. Bee loved digging the holes although I struggled to ger her to focus on one hole long enough to dig it deep enough, she liked to just use her trowel all over the place!

Once the plants were in we moved on to seeds. I chose pea and carrot seeds as those are something Bee enjoys eating so it was easier to get her engaged with something she liked. We talked about how the seeds would grow into plants and produce carrots and peas for her to eat. I don't think she entirely took in what I was saying but she was very excited about the pea seeds and dropping them in the hole.

As the exercise wore on I started to notice that Bee was so engrossed in the digging that she'd got compost on her hands. I encouraged her to use her fingers a little more in the digging, which she did, albeit a little reluctantly. Mainly she was happy just to use her trowel, although she did become a little more confident in knowingly touching the soil.

And so: ta-da!

The big empty space is full of pea seeds so hopefully we'll get at least a few pods out of it for Bee to experience growing and eating her own vegtables.

Overall the experience went much better than I'd anticipated. I think maybe I underestimate Bee sometimes. She's always handled most things with aplomb and her occassional sensory meltdowns mean that sometimes I assume she won't like or tolerate something before actually giving her the chance to show me whether she does or doesn't like it. One thing this little exercise has taught me is that my girl is brave and constantly surprises me with how wonderful she is.

Nursery Meltdown

Bee loves nursery. Loves it. Every single session when I drop her off she toddles straight in. No clinging to me or crying. I even have to remind her to say good bye sometimes.

Bee's nursery is split into four rooms: the sensory room, the carpeted 'play' room, the 'messy' room where all the arts & crafts are done and the outdoor/indoor room, which is essentially part of the garden with a roof and roller doors that can be lifted up. Our usual entrance is into the carperted 'play' room. We have the same routine each time: coat off and on Bee's peg, find her picture on the board and place it on the 'I'm Here Today' board, kiss for mama and off she goes!

When I dopped her off for today's session her teacher was waiting at the door to the 'messy' room. "We're using this entrance today as we're going to the park" - oooo wonderful! Bee loves the park! We walked through into the room and I crouched down to give her a kiss bye bye. The minute I bent down I could tell by her face something was wrong. Her little mouth was starting to turn down at the corners and she had that look in her eye. She put her arms around my neck and clung like she hasn't since she first started nursery, and I could feel her starting to cry.

It was the routine. The routine had changed. We come through the wrong door, into the wrong room. There was no peg for her coat in this room or board with her picture on it. Her teacher came over and I explained the problem, we decided the best way to deal with it was to take Bee out and back in through the route she was accustomed to. She readily released my neck and held my hand as I asked if she'd like to go and find her picture on the board. The tears stopped almost immediately and she willingly accompained me out of the room and down the corridor to the door of the usual room. We had no coat to hang on the peg (the weather is scorching at the moment) but we had her nursery bag to place in the box and her picture to find on the board. With those tasks two accomplished Bee happily walked into the usual room and didn't look back.

We're starting to notice these little autistic-type moments more and more and they can have an impact on our day-to-day life. We're still struggling between accomodating them and encouraging her to be more flexible. Today I felt it was better to accomodate and ensure she had a good session at nursery, than force the different entrance on her when it was only a one-off.

Building for Bee

This is the first summer that Bee will be mobile and although it's been a miserable May so far I'm hoping the warmer weather is not far off, I can't wait to play in the garden with her. She's still very wary of touching things outdoors, especially grass and soil. We don't have flowerbeds in our garden, just patio, decking and grass. I wanted to give Bee some space of her own in the garden where we could dig, plant flowers, grow some simple vegetables and work on her sensory issues. I'd thought about pulling up a small section of turf so she could have the soil underneath but it occurred to me that she's afraid of grass. No point giving her a patch to dig in if she has to sit on the grass to do it!

The answer was something that Bee could stand at rather than have to sit on the floor to use but store-bought planters are expensive and unnecessarily decorative for a toddler to dig in. So what was the answer?

Build one of course!

My building skills are rudimentary at best and I've certainly never used a circular saw! So it was with a little trepidation that I embarked on my first ever building project. Thankfully, although I built the entire planter myself, I had some expect guidance in the shape of a family member so I managed not to severe any limbs.

The planter is designed to be the right height for Bee to dig in without needing to stoop or stand on her tiptoes. It's large and square so she can dig all the way around. The made from old, reused wood which I'm planning on painting in black so she can chalk on it. Sadly the rain has reappeared so we've not been able to try it out yet.

Ta-da!

Let's Go Fly a Kite... Up To The Highest Heights...

...except that I'm rubbish at kite-flying and my efforts can only be described as fair-to-middling heights. Of course I did have a pretty hefty toddler balanced on one hip, severely limiting my ability to run and catch the wind!

A while back Foz bought Bee a Mickey Mouse kite on impulse and we've not yet had the chance to use it. So today we took advantage of the first rain-free, windy day in ages to spend some quality time out of the house and give it a whirl. It took a bit of trial and error to get it going, I've not flown a kite for years, but it was soon aloft and Bee very much enjoyed pointing at the Mickey Mouse in the sky. It took a little persuasion but I finally managed to pass the handle over to Bee while I kept my hand on the string, her first kite-flying experience!

Once bored of the kite we moved on to the park, which Bee loves! Her favourite is the swings although she is very fond of just flitting from one thing to the next. The only piece of equipment we still can't get Bee to try is the slide, she's very feared of them. 

Behavioural Bits

I've mentioned in previous posts that Bee has started to hit the 'terrible twos', she's become defiant and willful and a little sneaky. We're aware that Bee struggles to not only process information she is given but remember it once told. We'd been looking into a suitable punishment and reward system to tackle the naughty toddler stage and the only thing really jumping out at us was the 'naughty step/spot' system. The idea being that when the time comes to punish a child for bad behaviour they have to sit on a designated step/spot for one minute per year of their life. In Bee's case, 3 years = 3 minutes. Our major concern about this is Bee's inability to retain information or a set task for longer than a minute or so. She needs lots of prompting to remember what she's supposed to be doing and can easily forget after a very short time when her attention wanders. If Bee can't remember why she's on the naughty spot then what is it acheiving?

Another challenge we're facing is Bee's autistic-like tendancies.She's started to have little meltdowns when her routine is changed or there's a sensory issue she doesn't like (texture/sound/etc). Of course we know Bee isn't wholly responsible for her actions during these moments, to a certain extent she can't help herself, but we need some strategies to help minimise and cope with them.

With this in mind I contacted our local SN nurse who recommended the behavioural clinic at our local CDC and, after a short time on the waiting list, we had our appointment today.

It turned out to be a very productive appointment and we were very pleased with some of the advice that came out of it. We're going to introduce a naughty spot (or little mini rug) for those toddler moments when Bee is just being a toddler, with a kitchen timer to give her a audio/visual prompt. We're going to start on 30 seconds of sitting still, a challenge for Bee, then slowly work up to the 3 minutes in 30 second increments. For the autistic-like meltdowns we're mainly to ignore them and walk away (unless she's in a dangerous position) until she calms enough to come after us. Then we're to brightly move her attention on to something else. We've also discussed using visual prompts such a cue cards to help her understand the activities we're doing that day to try and avoid meltdown situations.

It's going to be a challenge but I hope with some of the adjustments we discussed in the appointment ours and Bee's life will be a little easier and more peaceful.

Manic Monday

Who knew an envelope could provide so much fun!

Our New Addition

We have a new member of the family!

A few weeks ago a neighbour knocked on our door during the afternoon asking if we'd lost a kitten. Of course we hadn't but I lurve cats....
Foz however, hates cats. He's totally a dog person and Bee, well, Bee is just afraid of every animal you can think ok, from cows to fish to fluffy bunny rabbits. 

So I told the neighbour that if she had no luck finding the owner (and if she couldn't keep hold of the kitten) that we'd have her for a few days, until a rescue centre would take her or the owners turned up.

Later that evening there was a knock on the door, it was the neighbour with the kitten. She was a beautiful little thing, black with white markings and ever so skinny. I could feel every knobble of her spine. That evening all the kitten wanted was to be cuddled, she followed me everywhere, miowing and rubbing at my ankles. When not following me round she was curled up on my knee sleeping. A very sweet, affectionate kitten and I was smitten.

However, I'd made a deal with Foz: he would let me keep hold of her for a few days while I looked for the owner or a rescue centre. So the following day I starting ringing round. The first two centres both said that they were full and had long waiting lists of cats needing a space (depressing in itself) but they could add me to the list and ring when a space became available. Thanks but no thanks. I gave them all the details about her & my phone number in case any owner rang up looking for her and moved on to rescue centre 3. It turns out that the number belonged to an individual that provided a small rescue service, not a center. The lady was lovely and we talked for quite a time. She couldn't help me immediately as her limited resources were full and she was off on her jollies but she promised she would ring me on her return. During this morning of phonecall-making Foz must have been doing some deliberating as once I'd put down the phone for the 3rd time he asked "do you want to keep the cat?". Well duh! Of course I wanted to keep the cat but not at the expense of his happiness. He told me that on the proviso that I fed her, cleaned the litter tray and generally did the 'care' side of it then I could keep her, if no owners showed up.

 

I was thrilled! I'd been desperate for a cat since losing Kitty in January 2010 but couldn't get Foz to agree to having another.

That afternoon we went into town for the essentials: cat food, litter tray, flea and worm stuff etc etc. It was thrilling to be out shopping for my new kitten, I was so excited but at the same time dreading that phone call telling me an owner had turned up. With that in mind I'd decided to wait a week or so before giving her a name, just in case, while in the meantime just referring to her as 'kitty' or 'the kitten'.

A week went by and nobody phoned or knocked on the door and so (from my Grandma's suggestion) we gave the kitten her new name:

~ Minnie! ~

Of course! What else could we have called her when we have a toddler obsessed with Minnie Mouse! To make the difference between mouse and cat clear we've been calling the kitten Minnie Cat, although Bee is currently calling her "mi mo". I think this is because Bee doesn't think of 'Minnie Mouse' as two words, just one that describes that character. Hopefully as her understanding and communication skills increase this will clear up for her.

Minnie Cat has now been with us for about three weeks and has settled in beautifully. She's a very affectionate cat, although she has stopped following us around miaowing at our ankles! Now she's content to sleep on our knee if we're sat down and just on the sofa if not. She's still only a baby and has her manic moments where she charges round the house, leaping on the furniture and attacking anything that moves but the thing that I've found the most endearing is her absolute conviction that she's a dog. Never in my life have I seen a cat roll over on to her back for a tummy tickle. Or growl when someone knocks on the front door.

I've missed having a cat and I love having Minnie sleep peacefully on my knee of an evening, or playing the mighty hunter when I dangle her cat toy. Bee is still a little wary of her. She's quite happy to come over and look at Minnie, and will say "hello" to her. She's even graduated to using the doll's hand to stroke her. Baby steps! We're hoping Minnie will continue to settle with us and will actually help Bee overcome some of her confidence issues in relation to animals, and if not: she's still cute and fluffy!

The Start of the Statement

This week we had our initial appointment with the educational psychologist to start the statementing process for Bee. It was something we'd been looking forward to and dreading in equal measures.

Our appointment was scheduled for the afternoon, after the educational psych. had spent some time with Bee in the morning. Thankfully Foz was off work so we were able to attend together. It can feel a little overwhelming sometimes attending these kind of things on my own while Foz is at work so I'm always grateful when we can do it together.

For those unfamiliar a statement of special educational needs to a document setting out what your child's needs are and what assistance the council/school is legally bound to provide to ensure that your child reaches their full learning potential. We are very lucky that Bee will be statemented automatically, many parents have to fight to get that for their child.

The ed. psych was lovely, very friendly and eager to reassure us that she's on our side and wants to help us get everything that Bee needs. She began by asking us all kinds of questions like how we felt Bee was doing, what areas we felt she needed assistance in, where she was excelling, what things she liked to do, what she didn't like to do etc. Our answer was, of course, that she is flying. Since starting nursery she seems to have improved in every area. She's more confident, communicates more, mobility is better, the list goes on. I found myself having to forcibly stop myself from going on and on about how fantastic she's doing and how proud we are.

Then it came time for the ed. psych's turn. She asked if we minded her giving us some observations she'd made about Bee during her time with her that morning. She was quick to reassure us that her observations were made during a 'snapshot' of Bee's time, there'd be things that Bee would or wouldn't do during the session that she may or may not do at home so we were to take everything with a pinch of salt. 

She began by telling us what a sweet, pleasant, bright and curious little girl Bee is and that we should be very proud of her (which we are!) Looking back it feels a little like that was the sweetener before the bad news.

Next came the observations:

• Bee interacted brilliantly with adults, was able to engage them and knew how to make her feelings/desires clear through language, sign or gesture. But Bee did not engage other children in play. She would play next to other children, but not directly with them. Occasionally she would become interested in something another child was doing and would approach to have a look, but would not make an attempt to join in.
• Bee would sit during group time and listen/respond if an adult was talking to her directly. Once the adult had moved on to talk to another child, or to the group as a whole Bee's attention wandered and she didn't appear to process the information that was being given.
• Once given a task to perform, in this instance filling a bucket with water from the water pump and using that to fill the water play table, Bee could begin to carry it out but struggled to complete. She seemed to forget what she was supposed to be doing and needed a lot of repeated prompts to carry out the whole activity.
• Although very confident walking on smooth flat surfaces Bee was observed to need assistance with mobility during use of the water pump, which stands at the top of a slight incline. She managed well by herself towards the pump but on the walk down the incline she asked to hold the hand of a staff member for support.

From there the ed. psych was able to make some initial recommendations for the statement:

• Bee has severe needs with communication. She has a handful of Makaton signs and some language but the words are unformed and difficult to understand.
• Bee has severe needs with mobility. Although she is able to walk unaided on flat, smooth surfaces Bee struggles with any uneven surface or inclines. She doesn't watch where she steps and will step off edges without realising. She needs an adult with her for supervision at all times.
• Bee has severe needs with learning. When engaging with one adult in a direct conversation Bee will listen and process information she is given. When that conversation encompasses more children Bee struggles to engage in the same way and can't seem to process information she receives. This will have a massive impact on her in classroom learning.

This report for us was pretty devastating. We'd been so proud of Bee and so pleased with the progress that she'd made we'd gone into that meeting a little naively, thinking that the educational psychologist would be equally impressed and tell us that Bee is perfect and would do fantastic in a mainstream school. To hear the words "severe needs" repeatedly was a bit of a shock to the system. Bee is our first child and I think we forget sometimes that although she is doing really well for what we'd always been told to expect, she's not doing so well in comparison to other children her age.

In September Bee is due to go up to 15 hours a week at nursery from 6 hours. We'd been considering our options for that: whether to keep her entirely at the special needs nursery, split the time between a special needs and a mainstream or move her over to a mainstream nursery entirely. We'd been leaning towards splitting the 15 hours between her current special needs nursery and a mainstream, the idea being that she'd get the 1-on-1 she needs at the SN nursery and the 'school' experience at the mainstream. We had been hoping that Bee would have achieved enough to attend mainstream school in September 2013, even if she needed extra assistance to do so.
Since this meeting though we'd reassessed our thoughts on the matter. It would seem that a SN nursery is best for Bee at the moment and we will probably make the decision to keep her there for the full 15 hours in September. We want Bee to achieve her full potential and if that means a special needs nursery and eventually a special needs school then that's fine with us. The last thing we want is for her to struggle and be branded a 'failure' in any mainstream setting.

For more information on Statements: http://bit.ly/aeh4YB